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In the spirit of Wendy Mogel’s The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman’s Nurture Shock, New York Times “Your Money” columnist Ron Lieber delivers a taboo-shattering manifesto that explains how talking openly to children about money can help parents raise modest, patient, grounded young adults who are financially wise beyond their years.
For Ron Lieber, a personal finance columnist and father, good parenting means talking about money with our kids. Children are hyper-aware of money, and they have scores of questions about its nuances. But when parents shy away from the topic, they lose a tremendous opportunity—not just to model the basic financial behaviors that are increasingly important for young adults but also to imprint lessons about what the family truly values.
Written in a warm, accessible voice, grounded in real-world experience and stories from families with a range of incomes, The Opposite of Spoiled is both a practical guidebook and a values-based philosophy. The foundation of the book is a detailed blueprint for the best ways to handle the basics: the tooth fairy, allowance, chores, charity, saving, birthdays, holidays, cell phones, checking accounts, clothing, cars, part-time jobs, and college tuition. It identifies a set of traits and virtues that embody the opposite of spoiled, and shares how to embrace the topic of money to help parents raise kids who are more generous and less materialistic.
But The Opposite of Spoiled is also a promise to our kids that we will make them better with money than we are. It is for all of the parents who know that honest conversations about money with their curious children can help them become more patient and prudent, but who don’t know how and when to start.
- Sales Rank: #11468 in Books
- Published on: 2016-02-23
- Released on: 2016-02-23
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .58" w x 5.31" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
Review
“I started reading this book and cannot put it down. . . . I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to raise their kids to have curiosity, patience, thrift, modesty, generosity, perseverance, and perspective. A godsend of a book.” (Jessica Seinfeld)
“In the course of profiling dozens of savvy families, Lieber gives tips on how to talk about money with kids in a calm way. . . . He makes a convincing case that the tendency to avoid the topic is a missed opportunity.” (The Wall Street Journal)
“The Opposite of Spoiled is flush with practical ways to incorporate money lessons into family life. . . . Lieber’s style is conversational and frank, with a sense of humor. . . . It’s rare to find a book about finance with so much heart.” (Associated Press)
“Finally, an honest, modern, comprehensive and nuanced book about kids and money. Parents report that conversations about money fill them with so much dread and confusion that they change the subject rather than dive in. The Opposite of Spoiled comes to the rescue.” (Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee)
“Lieber’s book is intensely pragmatic, relentlessly anecdotal -- and that’s why I loved it. . . . A book that will start important conversations in lots of households.” (Claire Dederer, The New York Times Book Review)
“Ron Lieber’s tips are practical, accessible and, best of all, rooted in the desire to foster an honest dialogue with our children.” (Heather Stevens, "Balancing Act" column in The Chicago Tribune)
“The Opposite of Spoiled is a thoughtful, and often inspiring, book that also delivers dozens of smart, practical tips for turning conversations about money into lessons about living. If you’ve got kids, want kids -- or heck, have been a kid -- read this book.” (Daniel H. Pink, author of Drive and To Sell is Human)
“All of us worry about how to give our kids a proper dose of perspective and gratitude. Ron Lieber’s explanation of how money conversations imprint these good values (and so much more) is just the thing parents need to read right now.” (Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege)
“We all want to raise children with good values, yet we often neglect to talk to our children about money. This engaging and important book breaks new ground by suggesting that the next generation deserves to be better at money than we are. A must-read for parents.” (Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project)
“An astute book filled with interesting anecdotes and wise lessons.” (Forbes)
“New York Times columnist Lieber makes a strong argument that money is something that children notice and talk about. . . . Lieber’s easygoing style will encourage parents to raise a new generation that’s both confident and compassionate.” (Publishers Weekly)
“Lieber guides parents in conveying the value and significance of money and how to use it wisely, how to spend and save, how to give and invest. Parents will appreciate the sound advice and broad perspective Lieber offers on this important subject.” (Booklist)
From the Back Cover
We may not realize it, but children are hyperaware of money. They have scores of questions about its nuances that parents often don't answer, or know how to answer well. But for Ron Lieber, a personal finance columnist and father, good parenting means talking about money with our kids much more often. When parents avoid these conversations, they lose a tremendous opportunity—not just to model important financial behaviors, but also to imprint lessons about what their family cares about most.
Written in a warm, accessible voice, grounded in real-world stories from families with a range of incomes, The Opposite of Spoiled is a practical guidebook for parents that is rooted in timeless values. Lieber covers all the basics: the best ways to handle the tooth fairy, allowance, chores, charity, savings, birthdays, holidays, cell phones, splurging, clothing, cars, part-time jobs, and college tuition. But he also identifies a set of traits and virtues—like modesty, patience, generosity, and perspective—that parents hope their young adults will carry with them out into the world.
In The Opposite of Spoiled, Ron Lieber delivers a taboo-shattering manifesto that will help every parent embrace the connection between money and values to help them raise young adults who are grounded, unmaterialistic, and financially wise beyond their years.
About the Author
Ron Lieber is the "Your Money" columnist for The New York Times. Before joining The Times in 2008, he wrote The Wall Street Journal's "Green Thumb" personal finance column, was part of the start-up team at the paper's "Personal Journal" section, and worked at Fortune and Fast Company magazines. He is the author or coauthor of three books, including The New York Times bestseller Taking Time Off. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife, fellow New York Times reporter Jodi Kantor, and their daughter.
Most helpful customer reviews
75 of 78 people found the following review helpful.
√ Practical, Lots of Good Ideas
By Bassocantor
THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is an extensive investigation into why kids are spoiled--and more importantly, what we can do to avoid that mistake.
There are lots of practical tips, interviews, and stories from families that have tried different methods to make your kids
value work and spend their money wisely. For example, the author gives an example of one family that calculates the most fun per dollar spent on their recreation. The whole family gets together and discusses what's the best use of their money.
Ron notes that spoiled kids have four things in common. First, they don't have many chores; second they don't have any rules; thirdly they have lots of free time assistance; and fourthly, they have a lot of stuff.
Here are some other great ideas:
♦ It's important to talk to your kids about money matters; "Take out the bills and show them. Let them ask all the questions they want."
♦ Teach kids delayed gratification: "How to delay gratification is a key part of learning to handle money well... "Teaching our children the ability to wait is a big part of our overall goal, and what's most important about allowance is what will happen when they're too old to get one."
♦ It used to be that people compare themselves to others horizontally. But now it's possible to compare yourself vertically - that is against wealthy people.
♦ Studies have shown that kids who watch commercials are much more likely to want to play with a toy rather than with other kids. So the author recommends severely limiting watching of commercials.
♦ Encourage your kids to give money away: "Storing allowance money in a 'give jar' along with the 'spend' and 'save' ones will help. Its presence reminds younger children to think about causes they want to support."
♦ Use creative ways to help your kids enjoy and perform use for work: "Kids like to work and enjoy earning money, but we don't do a good enough job of encouraging there industrious this." Kids have an instinct to work we just need to encourage it: "Our job, then, is to stoke that instinct to work and earn and see just how far their natural born industriousness takes them."
♦ Instill gratitude by having your family learn to say some type of grace before meals.
√ All in all, THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is a practical, encouraging book with lots of great ideas. At the end of the book is a "Notes" supporting the comments in the body of the book. There is also an extensive bibliography.
♫ A Review by Chris Lawson. Advance copy for review courtesy of Edelweiss.
Note: I do not know the author of this book, and no one--not even my spoiled kids--requested I write this review.
50 of 55 people found the following review helpful.
It's All About The Money
By Talvi
The subtitle is really the key to this book: this is about everything having to do with money and raising kids to be smart about it: from being honest about how much you make (and other financial matters) to learning to save, spend wisely, and give. Raising kids who aren't spoiled isn't a main objective so much as a side result of helping them to be wise about money. Note that it really isn't about ways for lower income families to deal with lack of money so much as higher income families manage an abundant stream available to their kids.
The book breaks down into sections: Talking about finances with your kids, allowance, save/spend/give, impulse control, giving to others/charities, jobs/work ethics for teens, and more. There are some excellent points made about things we take for granted: e.g., the topic on allowances was very enlightening and challenged some long held beliefs I had about how/why/when I give an allowance. As well, a section on managing teen issues such as wants/needs (brand name jeans, video games, etc.) was also very informative.
Since the book was about money, none of the emotional issues such as overparenting/helicopter parenting/doing everything for a child instead of letting them do it/fail are not discussed. I disagree with the author a bit that managing money alone will help keep children from being spoiled. But on the single subject of finances and kids (which encompasses much more than the spoiled title), there is a lot of good information here.
Suitable for parents with toddlers through teen years (even college years, a bit), the book has a broad reach. It is an easy, if dry, read that can be finished in a few hours. Reviewed from an advance reader copy provided by the publisher.
22 of 23 people found the following review helpful.
Talk to your kids about money
By Paul Mastin
Nobody wants their kids to be spoiled. New York Times columnist Ron Lieber wants to help. The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who are Grounded, Generous, and Smart about Money provides some principles and guidelines for parents to think about as they talk about money with their kids. And as Lieber says, talking about money is a great place to start. So many parents keep their kids financially in the dark, either out of a desire to avoid boasting and pride or to protect the kids from financial worries. But Lieber wants parents to "promise to our kids that we will make them better at money than we are."
Lieber recognizes that there's not a good word for the opposite of spoiled as we use the word to describe spoiled kids. So he starts by describing spoiled kids. They have few chores, few rules, doting parents, and lots of material possessions. As any parent of any socio-economic level will recognize, these traits are not found exclusively among children in wealthy families. In The Opposite of Spoiled he attempts to describe the "values and virtues and character traits" that "collectively add up to the kind of grounded, decent young adults that every parent hopes to send out into the world."
Of course the quality of being spoiled doesn't have only to do with financial matters, but that's where Lieber keeps his focus. As the cover illustrates, Lieber is a big fan of the three-jar, save/spend/give plan. Even at a young age, kids can learn to make choices and think in terms of budgeting. One principle I especially liked is the Fun Ratio: before we (or the kids) spend money on things we want, we can "estimate the hours of fun per dollar that any Want of theirs might provide." An expensive electronic toy that a kid only plays with a couple times might deliver very little fun per dollar, while an expensive video game that kids play for hours over many months or years deliver lots of fun per dollar.
Lieber also encourages the promotion of a lifestyle of giving and generosity. It starts with an awareness of and appreciation for the high level of wealth and privilege enjoyed by almost any American family, when compared to the rest of the world. More than that, Lieber calls for parents to foster a recognition of needs around them and the potential we have to assist others.
Lieber interviews and tells stories from a variety of families at different levels of wealth and income, but he definitely leans toward the upper end of the spectrum. That mild criticism aside, many families will be encouraged to start conversations with their kids and take active steps to change their thinking about money and maybe even shape their character.
Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!
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